If I'd Only Known
by Sivlio
Summary: "Ashiya never could have anticipated Izumi's scrawny, bad tempered younger brother would fall for her too. If I'd only known sooner that Ashiya was a girl, I might have had more courage." Shin's reflections when he finds out Mizuki is a girl. One-sided Shin/Mizuki with some Izumi/Mizuki!
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I found a very wonderful website that allows you to read manga online! After onemanga was shut down, I was so distraught that I never looked for other websites like it. So, thanks to manga2U, I was able to re-read Hana Kimi and write this lovely fanfic for you all!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hana Kimi.

**If I'd Only Known**

I remember very well the day that my older brother came back to visit after completing his third year at Osaka High. It was the first time he had been home since leaving six years before. I felt apprehensive when Mother told me Izumi would be coming home. It had not been very long since Izumi had made up with Father and me. I was afraid someone would start a fight and my brother would abandon me again.

Izumi didn't stay long, but those few summer days he was back were very enjoyable for me. We got to high jump just for fun, something neither of us had done since we were children. Izumi even let Dad give him some advice to improve his jumping.

One night, Izumi stopped by my room after taking his shower. The damp towel was still around his neck.

"Hey, kid," he said. "I want to tell you something."

"Sure," I replied, attempting not to huff at being called a kid.

"You remember my friend and roommate Ashiya Mizuki, right?"

"How could I forget? That little guy who worshipped the ground you walked on. I thought he was a girl the first time I met him." I said, struggling to keep anything weird out of my voice.

"Shin… Mizuki _is_ a girl."

_Ba-dum_ went my heart. I stared uncomprehendingly at my brother for a very long time. I was drawn back to the day when I'd almost given myself away to Ashiya, the day I told him I would be back once I could beat Izumi.

I laughed nervously. "C'mon, Brother, don't joke about stuff like that."

Izumi frowned. "I'm not joking, Shin. She disguised herself as a boy in order to meet me."

I had always known my chances—chances for _what_?—with Ashiya were slim. He… _she_… had traveled across the world just to _meet_ my brother. She had never worried how her decision could have gone horribly wrong. She never contemplated the idea that Izumi might not like her once they met. She'd never stopped to think that Osaka is a big school, and she might not have met Izumi at all. She could never have guessed that she and Izumi would become roommates. She could never have predicted he would discover her secret. She could not have foreseen him falling in love with her. All Ashiya had thought was that her idol was in Japan, and she was determined to go to him. It was a great leap of faith on her part.

She also could not have anticipated Izumi's scrawny, bad tempered younger brother would fall for her too. If I'd only known sooner that Ashiya was a girl, I might have had more courage. I would have never had to question myself, constantly wondering if these feelings were right. I wouldn't have felt the need to beat my brother, making myself better for her. Or maybe, I would have felt the need to better myself even more.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: So, most of my stories up here are one-shot collections because I don't write multi-chapter stories very often anymore. Please review to let me know how I'm doing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hana-Kimi.

**If I'd Only Known Part 2**

It had been months since Izumi went to America to go to college and also to be with Ashiya. It had been months since he'd shared the revelation that Ashiya was a girl with me. It had been over a year since I'd seen Ashiya, and still my feelings had not changed. How could I still like this girl? The girl that had crossed an ocean for my brother. The girl that my brother had crossed an ocean for.

Izumi called home towards the end of the school year. Mother and Father were not at home, so I answered.

"Sano residence, Shin speaking," I said formally, having not looked at the caller ID.

"Hey kid," Izumi replied. "I've got some news for the family. Is everyone there?"

"No, just me. But tell me anyways!"

I heard a voice in the background on my brother's end. It was female, and I blushed knowing who it most likely was.

"No my parents aren't there," Izumi told the voice. "I'm talking to Shin."

There was a rattle as someone picked up another phone. "Shin-kun!" Ashiya cried. "How are you?"

My blush deepened at her excitement. She had always been excited, but now it felt personal. She was excited to talk to _me_. "Uh… I'm doing ok. I guess you guys haven't heard that I've been able to match Brother's record."

"Whaa! That's great, Shin-kun," Ashiya congratulated me. "Not that I want him to beat you, Izumi," she told my brother apologetically.

I could just picture the scene that was going on between them. Ashiya would be on the portable phone and Izumi would be on the kitchen phone. Ashiya would be leaning on the back of their armchair, facing the kitchen as she spoke. Izumi would have the phone cord wrapped around the wall so he could look at Ashiya too. Brother would be smiling, not only because he was happy I'd matched him, but also at how cute Ashiya was being. It made me feel so hopeless knowing they were so perfect for each other.

"Mizuki, I was just about to tell Shin our good news," Izumi said, trying to steer the conversation back on target.

"Oh, of course!" she replied, and I could feel her beaming at my brother even over the phone.

"One of our friends from high school is getting married, so we'll be coming back to Japan to attend the wedding," Izumi explained.

"Yes, it's Sekime! You might have met him at track meets, Shin-kun."

"That's great," I said. "I can't wait to see you guys." The sudden thought of seeing Ashiya in girls' clothing made me flush.

"Also…" Izumi began slowly, perhaps waiting to see if Ashiya wanted to tell me. "Mizuki and I are engaged."

"Why didn't you start with that!" I demanded, nearly dropping the phone. Brother and Ashiya were laughing on the other end of the phone and my blush had only gotten deeper. What did I expect? I had been almost certain this day would come, ever since Izumi went to America to join Ashiya.

"Do you guys know when yet?" I asked, trying to put a natural amount of excitement and curiosity in my voice. I knew it was expected of me. Really, I just felt deflated.

"We're not sure," Ashiya said. "We want to graduate first and then see how things go. I've convinced Izumi that we should have it in Japan though! My parents haven't been back in so long, they would appreciate an excuse to visit."

"That sounds great!" I said with my fake enthusiasm.

"Shin, I want to introduce Mizuki to Mom and Dad properly, so we're going to stay at the house while we're in Japan for Sekime's wedding. Can you remember to tell them we'll be in Hokkaido June 20th through the 24th? The wedding is on the evening of the 19th so we will arrive on the 20th around dinner time."

"Yeah, no problem," I replied. "Are you guys only gonna be in Japan for those few days?"

"Actually, we thought we'd go around and visit everyone!" Ashiya said. "After we stay with you, we're going to stay with Nakatsu in Osaka. That way we'll be able to see him and a lot of our other friends from school."

"We'll be in Japan for about two weeks," Izumi added.

"Well I look forward to seeing you guys. I'm sure Mom and Dad will be excited too," I said. "But I should let you go; it's really late in California isn't it?"

"It is, but we're used to staying up for school stuff," Ashiya said.

"Bye kid, don't forget to tell Mom and Dad."

"I won't! Sayonara." I hung up the phone with a _click_ and slumped down on the floor. That was where Mother found me when she and Father got home.

"Shin, what's happened?" Mother asked.

"N-nothing!" I replied, not realizing how long I had been sitting there dejectedly. "Izumi and his girlfriend are coming to Japan for a wedding. They're going to stay with us."

"How wonderful!" Mom cried.

I was so upset, I purposely did not tell her and Father about Izumi's engagement. They were going to be in for a big surprise this summer.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: This section is pretty short because I tired to break the story up naturally. I'll try to post chapter four sooner since this is so short.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hana-Kimi

**If I'd Only Known Part 3**

Mom spent the whole week before Izumi and Ashiya's arrival cleaning. Neither Izumi nor I had ever brought a girl home before and she was ecstatic. She wanted everything to be perfect. She agonized for days about what she should cook. "I should make Izumi's favorite, but what if she doesn't like it?"

I guess I don't blame her. I was agonizing too. I had liked Ashiya even when she was a boy. How could I handle her as a girl?

Finally June 20th arrived. I was upstairs in my room when Mom called, "Takehiko, Shin, get down here!" so I tramped down the stairs.

"What? Big brother's home?" I asked.

I thought I had prepared myself to see Izumi and Ashiya. Yet, nothing I could have done or thought would have prepared me for this. Ashiya wasn't wearing anything excessive, just a button down shirt and some jeans. To me, she looked stunning. Her hair was long, reaching just past her shoulders. She must have been growing it out for a long time. She was wearing simple makeup that brought out her features.

"Hey there, long time no see," she greeted me.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too," I replied, turning away to hide my blush. _Seriously, she really is a girl! And, it turns out, she's really cute,_ I thought. _Though she was cuter with short hair. _

As soon as I saw her and Izumi together, I knew it would have been unrequited love regardless of what I had done. I could totally understand why Izumi had left Japan to be with her. She was smart, reckless, and adorable.

We sat down at the table and Ashiya was introduced to Father. He did not seem to remember this girl was the same person as my brother's roommate. That was probably a good thing because after some awkward small talk, Mother got down to business.

"So, did you come to formally talk about something?"

"Yes," Sano replied. "I've decided to spend my life with Mizuki."

Mom squealed. "Did you hear that? Congratulations! Listen, listen Takehiko!"

"Mom, I think Dad's in shock," I said in a monotone as Father choked on his tea.

"Congratulations," Dad also said as soon as he could speak.

"Thanks," Izumi said while Ashiya blushed next to him.

I'd thought before that it wasn't really all that shocking that they would become one. Yet, now that I saw them together, I was mortified. Not at them, but at myself. I had known from the few phone conversations I'd had with the couple that they were perfect for each other. Now that I could see them in person, I could tell they were so in love it was almost sickening. And if that was sickening, it was even more revolting that I could like the woman my brother was going to marry. I was disgusted with myself.

"Congratulations," I finally said. No one knew that with this blessing was my promise to myself that I would stop liking Ashiya. I allowed myself the indulgence of her smile one last time, before sealing my heart off from her completely.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Another short one, but an update all the same. By the way, I thought this story was already finished (I wrote an end anyways), but now I'm going to write an alternate ending!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hana-Kimi.

**If I'd Only Known Part 4**

After dinner, Izumi managed to corner me. I had been set on avoiding him as long as possible because I knew a lecture was coming.

"Shin, why didn't you tell Mom and Dad about the engagement?" he asked pointedly. "They were way too excited to be pretending."

I refused to meet my brother's gaze as I replied, "I thought you _wanted_ it to be a surprise. I thought you only wanted me to tell them you were coming to visit." I had been working on this lie ever since our conversation weeks before.

Izumi sighed. "I guess that's ok. It's better this way, I think. Would you like to be my best man?"

He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly. Like, _of course you would be my choice_. My eyes widened at the offer. I never expected Izumi to ask me that. "A-are you sure?" I asked. "Wouldn't it be better if your blonde friend was your best man?"

My brother frowned. "If you don't want to do it, I'll ask Nakatsu. But you're my first choice, Shin. You're my little brother."

It was true that Izumi and I had been close when we were young, but for five years we had barely spoke to each other. That didn't change the fact that he was my big brother, and I looked up to him. I simply didn't feel like I deserved to be his best man. Our relationship was patched up, thanks to Ashiya, but we were still working on it.

"Ask Nakatsu. He deserves it more than I do," I replied.

"Ok," his shoulders fell. "Just know that I don't agree with you."


End file.
